Wedding roman antiquity

My big day starts like any other. Even though I've hardly slept with excitement,...

...I always go to the toilet first, the latrina. A kind of toilet brush, the ^{xylospongium2}, is quite useful. If you don't have your own toilet, you use a chamber pot or a urine^bottle3. As urine is used for bleaching and cleaning, you can earn a small fortune by selling the contents of the bladder.

Once I've done my business, I wash my face with a small^sponge4 and donkey's milk. This is supposed to prevent wrinkles. I apply mixtures of baking soda, lupine flour, soda, oil, goat fat and ash to the rest of my body, which are stored in small^bottles5. My slave then scrapes off the cleansing agents with the ^strigilis6.

I use the toothpick from my toiletry^set7 to clean my gleaming white teeth. I use my fingers to rub my teeth with a tooth powder made from the ash of donkey teeth, donkey milk or urine. I clean my ears with the ear spoon on my toiletry set. I also need my toiletries for my manicure."

My slave prepares creams and make-up pastes. On make-up ^tablets8-10...

...the powder is processed into pastes using ^{spatulas11-13} with the addition of scented oils. This is how make-up, blusher, eye shadow and eyeliner are created.

I use make-up made from yeast, ^chalk14 or white lead. Red cheeks symbolise health and beauty. So my slave girl applies ^rouge15 made of litmus lichen, red chalk or ochre.

I emphasise my eyes with green or blue eye shadow made from ^malachite16 and lapis^lazuli17. I emphasise my eyes and brows with a kind of kohl that my slave mixes from crushed ^charcoal18, water, oil or saliva.

My slave removes body hair under the armpits and on the legs with tweezers or with depilatory creams. They contain resin or oils. That's why they are neither kind to the skin nor do they smell pleasant."

It's just as well that my slave has a sensitive nose. She can be used for any occasion...

...create wonderfully fragrant creams or perfumes, which are stored in beautiful balsamic^jars19-25. If you add salt and resins, they last longer.

Amazingly, my slave knows all the flavours, all the ingredients and even the quantities! She extracts concentrated fragrances from flowers, seeds, leaves and even bark. The extract is mixed with an oil made from green olives or unripe grapes.

The ingredients for good odeurs come from the remotest parts of the empire and are worth a fortune. For Telinum, 9 ^{flavours27-35} are mixed with oil. Julius Caesar used this perfume. Cleopatra seems to like smelling it. Maybe I should try it today too?"

On my wedding day, my appearance has to be flawless. This also includes...

...a suitable hairstyle. A glance in my little ^handmirror36 reveals that my hair is still a long way from flawless! To remedy this, I need countless^{hairpins37-43}, a horrible, painful ^comb44 and an ^ornatrix45, a slave who is only responsible for my hairstyle. Sometimes things escalate. Just a little with me. I mean, compared to what goes on at the empresses' dressing table.

In the Julio-Claudian imperial^family46 the imperial ladies wore their hair relatively plain. The pain is probably still limited. But in the 100 years that followed, the tragedies of the early hours were unimaginable. With the ondulating iron, the hair is piled up into a veritable splendour of ^curls47. This can be very painful. And sometimes it goes horribly wrong. That's what hairpieces and wigs are for! It was not until the second half of the 2nd century AD that the empresses'^hairstyles48 lost their potential for conflict.

^Henna49 from Egypt gives the hair a slightly reddish colour. To dye the hair dark, we use a special, less appetising tincture. It is based on leeches that are soaked in wine and vinegar for sixty days in an airtight ^container50. A light, blonde hair colour is very popular. I find bleaching hair with ^urine51 disgusting, but my mother thinks colouring with ^golddust52 is excessive.

A blonde wig or at least a ^hairpiece53 made from Germanic women's hair is my most fervent wish.

Coins with portraits of the empresses always tell me which hairstyle is "in" in the imperial house at the time^. Sculptural portraits also show interesting ^{hairstyles63-64}, but the most fashionable hairstyles are not an issue today."

Because my wedding hairstyle follows tradition and custom. It consists of...

...six plaits with woollen ribbons woven into them. The plaits are gathered into a bun. A wreath crowns my hairstyle. It consists of herbs and flowers that I collected this ^morning65.

I made the fabric for my wedding dress, the white tunic recta, myself. As a budding matron , I know all facets of textile processing inside out. I spun loads of wool for the dress of dresses. From very fine threads, a thin, soft fabric was created on the loom, from which I made a highly fashionable chiton . This is a long dress that is sewn together at the sleeves. This model is all the rage in Greece.

I wear a saffron-coloured stole over the tunic . It is belted at the waist with a cincture . My groom is only allowed to untie the knot of the belt on the wedding night.

My bridal shoes are made of very fine yellow goatskin. The bridal shoe is called socculus luteus.

The overall arrangement is rounded off by the flammeum, a bright orange-coloured veil. Orange and yellow symbolise the hearth fire and stand for the domestic environment in which I will be performing my duties as a new matron and head of household from tomorrow.

My future husband won't find fault with my matronly qualities."

However, he has to make sure that I look glamorous at his side to ensure our prosperity.

...and thus emphasise its social position. My jewellery^box18-19 should by no means be a yawning void.

It should contain beautiful jewellery and not be too small. Just like my mum's. She has a beautiful ^bracelet20 with hallmarked patterns, ^melonbeads21 with a mischief-repelling effect and simple glass beads. Her jewellery also includes many ^fingerrings23-28 made of various materials: silver, bronze, iron and bone.

^Fibulae29-37 are a must, of course. My grandmother left her a few brooches. So my mum's garments are held together by ancient heirlooms as well as the latest brooch models."

As tradition would have it, I sacrificed my toy to the gods last night. I'm getting married today, so I'm no longer a child, but a matron. As such...

...but I should master the board games to prove myself a clever hostess. So I kept the round mill and only sacrificed my dice tower and the ^nuts86-88.

It was with a heavy heart that I parted with my astragals, my terracotta cockerel and my well-filled money box ^89-91.

I realise that wives and mistresses of house and home no longer play with ^dolls92. Nevertheless, I was very reluctant to throw my doll ^harness93-94 into the sacrificial pit!

We all have to make sacrifices, says my father. Not so long ago, he offered a pregnant^sheep95 as a gift to the gods. In honour of the gods, he burns ^incense96 and^myrrh97 in a ^gobletof incense98. He drapes the offerings on a large ^plate99. Yesterday we made a final incense offering in my favourite incense altar..."

...It looks like a ^Bilch100 and has its permanent place at the ^lararium101, my parents' home altar. Our two ^lares102-103...

...are the patron gods of our home and protect us from harm. For me as a future matron, it is appropriate to ask the ^MotherGoddess104 and ^Iuno105, goddess of marriage and the wedding, for assistance on the eve of the wedding.

I have entrusted my wishes regarding my groom to ^Venus106, the goddess of love and beauty. As far as the hearth fire is concerned, the goddess ^Vesta107 is the right person to talk to."

I've known my groom since we got engaged. But only briefly. His name is Severus...

...and is 16 ¾ years old. Our parents decided seven years ago that we would get married. My father says that it has financial and political advantages for both families. So today is the day.

Before the cat wash, I took a look into the future with my mum. Thank Juno, the omen turned out to be promising. Now my groom can come!

We will celebrate the ^marriage108 with a lavish party at my father's house.

I think things will get serious after that because I will leave my parental home together with my husband. He will snatch me from my mother's arms and take me - accompanied by cryptic chants and cries - to his father's house. My husband will hand out nuts, sweets and cakes to onlookers. This ceremonial procession is called deductio.

I am deeply veiled and have to be led by two bridesmaids. They carry my spindle and the raw wool for me. And of course the three coins. I must not forget to deposit the first coin at the first crossroads. I will sacrifice the second coin to the household gods in my father-in-law's house. My husband will receive the third coin as a symbolic dowry.

When we arrive at my new home, I wrap the doorposts with woollen ribbons and anoint the door with oil. My husband will lift me over the threshold. Then I will light the hearth^fire109. And then comes the ^wedding night110. With Severus.

In the meantime, at the age of almost 14, I've got used to him in my mind and to the engagement^ring111 he gave me a long time ago. I think he likes me. A little bit. Maybe we'll even become lovers at some ^point112?

In any case, I will protect our home and handle the ^keys113-116 with care. The most beautiful ^{furnishings117-118} are just good enough. I need my own ^loom119 to realise my wishes regarding the textile furnishings in our house. I will entrust a - at best blonde-haired - ^slave120 with the textile tasks."

The day after the wedding is also a completely different dress code for me. Dresses say a lot about their wearers. Silk dresses...

...are considered unseemly. Says Severus. He recently read it in Seneca. Silk dresses reveal more than they conceal. Matrons in silk dresses are associated with a dubious lifestyle. Severus has nothing against colourful clothing.

As a married Roman^woman121 I wear my tunica, a tubular garment made of wool or linen. I pull the stole over it. It's something between a smock and an apron and is very useful for everyday chores. It is held together at the shoulders with fibulae or strips of fabric. The palla is a large rectangular piece of fabric that I wrap around my body like a cloak. When I leave the house, I use it to cover my head. I also wear calcei muliebris rather than my sandals. These closed shoes made of soft leather can be decorated with silk embroidery, pearls or even precious stones!

When I accompany Severus, dressed in the toga, at public appearances, my social and societal status will be recognised by my matronly outfit."

Severus is destined for a life in the public eye. Young men receive...

...training to prepare them for their role and tasks in the adult world. Girls too. But differently.

Women mainly take care of domestic matters and ensure orderly family relationships. My life tends to take place behind the scenes: I will give EVERYTHING for home and family!

I will organise the crowd of slaves well and the hearth fire will not go out.

Sewing needles, loom weights, spindle whorls, raw wool and^{scissors127-134} are an integral part of my working world when it comes to wool processing. They say that even Empress Livia makes the emperor's new clothes herself. I am confident that a slave girl will do this work excellently under my guidance.

Our happiness as children will be ^{indescribable135-138}. Three boys wouldn't be bad. Then I would have done my duty. Girls are simply not affordable for everyone when it comes to dowries at marriage. Daughters of poor families are sometimes abandoned or even killed!

I also have an education. I can dance gracefully and make music139^{- 141}. Singing, however, is one of those things. But my education can be seen "without ifs and buts". I can read and^write142-150.

Severus says that's all that's necessary. If I was any good at parlour games, I would cut a fine figure as the host's wife at any banquet."

As members of the upper class, Severus and I will be treating our friends, acquaintances and business associates to opulent...

...invite guests to banquets. It is easy to understand that we do not expect our guests to use ordinary^{vessels151-156}.

Severus appreciates the recipes of Apicius, a contemporary gourmet. Several courses are served as part of a sophisticated banquet. ^{Spoons157-161} made of silver, bronze or bone are helpful when eating the sometimes strange-looking dishes, such as roasted hazel dormice or flamingo tongues. Liquid and porridge-like dishes were spooned, while food with a solid consistency was speared with the pointed end of the spoon. Shellfish can be opened easily with a type of ^fork162 and the finest snails can be eaten ^well163!

Our stand demands representation! So I instruct the slaves to serve the food on high-gloss luxury crockery made of terra^{sigillata164-168}.

But gleaming golden bronze crockery169^{- 174} and ^glassvessels175-178 also convey the impression of a certain noblesse. It is not considered uncultured to eat with one's fingers. A slave stands ready with a jug and handle to clean his hands.

Male guests will share the three couches, the clinen, in our dining room, the triclinium. While I watch the proceedings sitting in my wicker chair, the gentlemen will eat their meals lying down."

Our terra sigillata bowls sometimes depict erotic ^{scenes179-180} and sometimes...

...far too much wine is ^drunk181. No wonder that many an evening get-together with friends quickly degenerates into an orgy after internalising the visual stimuli.

But there's no way I'm going to go along with that! Severus won't find fault with my morals either. He will never doubt my matronly qualities! Nor will I give him any excuse to keep one or more mistresses. I will not give him an excuse to disown me and withhold my dowry. Because rejected wives end up on the street. They have to earn their living as prostitutes.

The demand in this sector is ^huge182. In Pompeii alone there were 22 brothels, so-called lupanaria. You can buy spintria there. The services offered are depicted on one side of these tokens and the price of the service in the form of a Roman numeral on the other.

The fate of prostitutes is incredibly hard. Even their patron goddess Venus is unable to alleviate it. A ^lupa185, i.e. a prostitute, can be recognised by her advertising-effective, brightly coloured make-up and her blond hair or wig. Strikingly coloured, knee-length tunics and a provocatively short drape also clearly distinguish them from the honourable matrons."